Warning: This is going to be triggering for some people. But it needs to be said.
Let me give it to you straight: birth trauma, experienced or feared, is real, but it lives in your head. It is your choice to let your birth experience be determined by your past, by your fears, by your limiting beliefs. The more you fear it, the more you invite it in - it becomes inevitable. Our society's disconnected and fear-ridden approach to birth has let you down. But you have it within you to choose a different path.
I know it feels like it is bigger than you - the emotions from your birth trauma seem etched into your being. You’ve done the debrief, you’ve tried talking about it, you’ve tried not talking about it. The latter, parking it out of sight deep under the surface, may have seemed to work ok for a while - combined with the busyness of life with a toddler in tow there was enough to think about in the whirlwind of the here and now. But now bump number 2 is growing, so too is the knot in your stomach. The memories are forced back to the forefront.
I’ve been there. My nervous but trusting and excited attitude from first time round replaced by a hollow sense of previous failure and being wronged that I daren’t admit to anyone.
The anxiety rises over the prospect of going through the same overwhelm, the same panic, the same pain, the same loss of control. The tracks appear already laid to that inevitable outcome.
This is simply your subconscious mind doing what it knows best; taking the lead, automating your actions - and therefore the outcomes - based on your beliefs and experiences. Your body goes where the mind leads. What you focus on expands.
Empowered, positive birth experiences aren’t just for other women, the lucky few. It isn’t down to luck at all. It is down to owning your birth and taking responsibility for it. It is your choice to step off a conveyor belt of care that does not serve you, to shift your mindset to trust your body and your instincts.
Transformation is available to you. How would it feel to lose the weight of fear and anxiety, or the trauma that you carry like a rock in your chest? Imagine looking back in a year’s time and simply feeling empowered joy and pride. The ball is in your court.